(All example scripts highlight a female victim and a male abuser.)
You may have experienced feelings of vindication and self-empowerment because of the #MeToo Movement, the recent legal and social vindications of abuse survivors, and the general population’s willingness to have open and frank conversations regarding abuse and what is and is not acceptable behavior as abuse is redefined. These are wonderful and exciting changes, but are they transformative to you? When all is said and done do you feel wonderful deep inside? When the newness of the empowerment experiences fades into your everyday life, memories, feelings, and fears may resurface. Whatever resurfaces will have changed due to your empowerment experiences, but they can still be destructive and limiting if you have not released the shame your abuser dumped into you during your experience.
The unexpectedness of the abuse stunned you-as-Soul leaving an aspect of you caught in time and space, that time and, and that space. Abuse creates shock, shock begets shame, and shame is cancer to the soul. Your abuse was not limited to your physical body, it also affected the flow of your life force, disrupted your emotions, and interrupted your thoughts.
When you experienced shame—the sensations, emotions, and thoughts of your abuser—every cell of your body was imbued with your abuser’s shame.
Shock separates an aspect of soul from Soul leaving you with feelings inside of being unsafe and vulnerable. These feelings are not yours, but they fill an emptiness created within you by the shock you experienced during your abuse. When an aspect of you is caught in time and space it is the nature of soul to rebalance herself by constantly reminding you of the necessity of reintegrating that aspect. Soul is unable to make it happen alone. She needs your awareness, your consciousness, your willful actions to help your abused-self, that aspect of you caught in that time and imprisoned in that space, to return the shame to your abuser. Your conscious-self however is usually unaware of the efforts by you-as-soul. (These concepts may be completely new but don’t be put off by them.)
Most abusive experiences are relived countless times often unconsciously, hidden in internal dialogue and its anomalies like flashbacks and sudden emotional sensation eruptions having nothing to do with the present moment. When revisited or recalled, that time is usually experienced as standing still or in slow motion from the start to the end of your abuse. It is said that time heals all wounds, but where shame is involved, it doesn’t. The thorn of shame must be withdrawn. You are the only one who can do it even though you may not feel capable now, you will.
During the abuse, shock confuses and disrupts your normally harmonious four-body balance. Your emotional and mental bodies are ripped apart because of the unexpected abuse. That part of you is now frozen in time and space, caught in a memory loop, in that time and in that space where you experienced abuse. That memory loop would fade with time if you were not filled with the shame imbued within you by your abuser.
Looking back at the abuse that shattered your dreams of the future and changed your life purpose is a difficult exercise. Do not rush into this until you are ready. You are the only one who will know when you are ready to consciously look back at your abusive experience as an observer able to effectively manage the situation while being fully aware of the body sensations, emotions, and thoughts that will arise.
Whatever your behavior during the abuse, you did what you could to survive, but you came away from the experience different. You changed because you survived the abuse and you changed because you are missing that part of you trapped in that time-space loop. That aspect of you is literally trapped in the terror, fear, helplessness, dread, and pain that you remember and some you may have forgotten. Every aspect of you is in communication with one another. The aspect caught in that loop is always crying out for help and whether you actually hear your voice and feel your senses from that time or not it is always affecting your body, emotions, and thoughts. It is the shame that glues your abused-self to that time.
Shame is a sense, a feeling, an emotion, and a thought. It is a foreign object living within your body. You cannot shame yourself; it must be given—usually by force—to you. Even as the adult-you, you cannot clear shame by yourself. You need help. The only way your abuser’s shame can be healed is to return it to the person who gave it to you. It does not matter whether your abuser is alive or passed, if passed, his or her Soul will gladly accept the return of this energy. If your abuser is still living you are not dealing directly with him or her when you return your shame. You will be dealing with the abuser’s weak, disgusting aspect of self, an empty shell caught in the same time loop and space prison with your abused-self. When you as your adult-self confront your abuser, you will be in control. If you feel that you are not in charge stop, take a deep breath, calm yourself, and remember your practices and your pain. It is natural to hesitate, to feel not good enough, or strong enough, but as your adult-self you are capable and able to return all the shame to any abuser and for you to reintegrate your abused aspect into your soul and self.
Shame has no value because it is not a real emotion, but an energy created by humans to manipulate and control other humans. Shame is insidious because by its nature the victim usually believes that the shame given to her is her, not feelings that she has such as happiness or sadness. If the abuser’s shame contained the feeling of not-being-good-enough then the victim feels that she is not good enough; that feeling becomes a part of her. Because it is a part of her, it is more likely that she will eventually become an abuser if that shame is not released.
Abuse strengthens compassion or deadens the Soul. The compassionate will eventually turn that abuse inward causing long term personal harm rather than pass it to others, but the greater the shame the greater the possibility that it will be passed on. Some may pass it on the same way it was received while the majority of victims will be forced to pass it on to others through various means such as anger, rage, humiliation, control, and manipulation. Shame is an energy and although this discussion is about how shame caused by sexual and physical abuse is received and released, all forms of shame can be released through this method.
The Skills Required Are Skills You Already Have
The skills required are relaxation, focusing, intent, visualization, and moving through time into your past. These are abilities developed through meditations, contemplation, and spiritualization, skills every human exercises in their own ways, but few understand how or what they do.
Relaxation must be done where you feel safe, will be undisturbed, and preferably alone. When you designate a safe place—from this corner to that or from this tree to that—you consecrate it, you spiritualize it, this draws your angels and unseen friends there to protect you.
Focusing is required to stay present, to be consciously aware of yourself and your intent. It is a skill of consciousness that humanity is presently learning. Abuse locks you into the past; when you are locked into the past you develop powers of focus to remain there, to remember. Your adult-self uses that focus to travel back in your time.
Practices focusing on your intent, not to allow yourself to be drawn into your abused-self’s feelings even though you will feel them within yourself. Your adult-self knows that those feelings are your abuser’s shame, not yours.
Visualization is the use of all your physical senses and awarenesses outside of your physical/ether body. The countless times you visited your abusive experience you were using your visualization skills naturally. As your adult-self you should practice returning to your abuse time-loop to feel the space, the floor or ground beneath your feet, the smell and density of the air, the temperature on your skin. As you practice resist empathizing with your abused-self by constantly reminding yourself that you are an observer, not the victim. Practice being there just by remembering the space, sensing yourself there, willing yourself there, but be as divorced as you can be from the abusive experience.
Moving through time into your past is something you are an expert at doing because you do it each time you think of your abuse. Become aware of how you travel into your past. It is your own unique way, you-as-soul’s way. Most abused people already employ all five of these skills, but few are aware of their abilities. The fact is that most think they are unable when they are actually highly skilled.
Three people are required: You, Your Abused-Self, and the Abuser
You are the adult-you—the survivor you—the only one able to coordinate this release, the only one able to feel the release, and the only one able to know if the release has actually taken place because the shame is no more. As a survivor, you are wiser and more capable of being an observer, feeling your emotions without allowing them control. You are the sum of your experiences on this earth, your abused-self is younger, terrorized, and caught in a time-loop. That makes you more evolved, more aware. You are going to help your abused-self release the shame—when that shame is gone you will feel yours release—by returning it to its rightful owner. Until this is done, your shame will continue to haunt you.
Your abused-self is an aspect of you trapped in time imprisoned in the space where you were abused. Your adult-self is the salvation, your greater-self is the only one who can rescue your abused-self and relieve the abuser’s shame, your shame. You feel what your abused-self feels; confusion, filled with shame. Your abused-self is barely aware of you, but she knows that you are the only one who can help her release the shame.
Your abuser shamed you by slimming, imbuing, or dumping his or her body sensations, emotions, and thoughts into you, your physical/ether, emotional, and mental bodies during the duration of your abuse. That aspect of your abuser is also caught at the same time and space as your abused-self. The aspect of your abuser is not your physical abuser. It is an aspect, a hollow part of your abuser caught in time and trapped in space. Your adult-self is not caught in time nor are you trapped in space. You are able to go in and out of that loop in time to help your abused-self.
The three of you will meet in your past to relive your experience. Two of you will leave as one, free of shame. The abuser will leave with all the shame he or she forced on you without your consent.
Practice is the most important step you will take to rid yourself of your shame. The difference between this practice and what you experience when your mind visualizes your abuse is that during practice you are conscious of your body, emotions, and thoughts while being aware that your actions are not controlled by your feelings but by your focused mind. Take your time, follow the recipe, and you will emerge from your ordeal greater than you ever thought you could be. Repetition is better than speed, you are preparing to take your life back and to do so with aplomb.
Practice sessions should always be undertaken when you are feeling strong and healthy. First, create a safe space. Make it comfortable, simple, and practical. Add a few mementos, small trinkets, crystals, pictures, or whatever has sentimental or spiritual value to you. Your safe place is where your body will be protected while your consciousness freely and safely travels back in time.
Practice sessions focusing on your feelings, if they become too intense, open your eyes, and focus on your body, the safe space, and your decorations. Remind yourself that you are safe. Calm yourself and quickly recall as many details of your trip as you can, attempting to do so without becoming upset.
Practice sessions start when you feel safe and know that you will be undisturbed when you quiet yourself the way you know best. Don’t rush your body, give it time to relax. During practice, you are an invisible observer, a time traveler who with a thought can travel back in time to observe things you may have missed because of the shock, shame, and confusion you experienced during your abuse.
Practice sessions rely on the art of visualization, a skill that is so natural to you, that you may not know that you do it. During your sessions, you should strive to consciously become aware of how you feel while standing and looking at the place or space where you were abused. The key is feeling, not imagining. Attempt to feel yourself in that space as much or more than you feel yourself in your safe place. Become aware of yourself being in those two places at the same time.
Feel your feet on the floor or ground within your time loop. Take time to observe everything around you while you intend for everything to stand still so you can observe the details. Observe the colors, sounds, smells, light, dark, and temperature, as well as everything else you can witness, and everything you can feel.
After you notice everything you see outside, experience yourself there by paying attention to how you feel inside. The environment will remind your physical/ether body how it felt in the loop as the observer feel your body without reacting to feelings or emotions. Always remember that your body is in your safe place performing an exercise to discover the feelings that the situation created. As your adult-self you are the only mature one in the loop.
All abused victims are experts at the art of visualization, constantly traveling back and forth to the abuse site, thinking, dreaming, and emotionalizing about it, always attempting to make it right.
Notes Before Ridding Yourself of Shame
When you no longer have to think when you practice, and you are aware of how and where you feel the shame in your body, you should be ready to end this nightmare. Being comfortable with your adult-self as an observer is the last step in your preparation, however, your last trip back in time to your abused self’s time prison will be not as an observer. This time you will be in control to help her rid herself of shame by returning it to that hollow aspect belonging to your abuser. Do not try to release your shame from your body. It will not work and may result in your discarding this worthwhile exercise. When your abused-self releases her shame, you will feel your shame dissipating until it is gone. Always check twice, if you still feel shame your abused-self is withholding her shame from you. It is all she has had, so it is understandable that she may want to keep what she has become accustomed to. Using imagination when you are in another time and different space is like using your brain in the physical world so use your imagination to visualize the shame leaving your abused-self and you. Work with her until you feel nothing inside. As your shame leaves focus with your inner senses on how it feels, focus, only then should you shove the shame that your abused-self gives you down the throat of your abuser, your shame will evaporate.
Read this exercise as many times as you need until you are comfortable with every step. Then and only when you are comfortable in your safe place and your body is as relaxed as you can allow, with a calm heart and clear mind visualize the space where you were abused. Focus your attention on your being outside that bubble of time and space. Feel yourself there, observing, visualizing. You are in two places at one time; your physical/ether body is safely in your safe place and your conscious you, your observer-self, your adult-self is looking into that space. Hear the sounds, smell the smells, and feel the environment, while observing the space.
At this point you are no longer an observer; you are able to take action. When you see what is taking place, step into that reality and take immediate action to stop the abuser in any way you are able. This is one of those spiritual times when violence is acceptable so do what you have to do to rip him away from your abused-self. He will stop when he is confronted because he is an aspect of himself, separated from his whole self. He is powerless in your presence so make him cower in a corner while you tend to your past-self, your abused-self. Tell her that you are her future-self and that you have come to help her because she asked. Hold her, calm her, confront her. To convince her, you may have to confide to her what you remember about your abuse. Once she is calm tell her about the shame that is within her, the shame that the man cowering in the corner gave her.
Give her a bucket or bowl and have her vomit, urinate, defecate, or do anything to empty the shame feelings in her body into the container. It will be putrid disgusting bile that may make you retch, but make sure that your abused-self empties herself of that shame. Since you feel the shame in your body, physically, emotionally, and mentally, you can tell her where you feel it and how it feels to you but allow her the time to find, feel, and release the shame within her own body. She must release it into the container herself and your adult-self is the only one who can return the contents of that container to the abuser.
Lovingly talk to her. You are the greater of the two of you. You are the wiser one. Make sure your past-self, your abused-self, releases all the shame into the container. You will know because you will no longer feel it in your body. If you still feel it at this point, guide her until she releases all of it. You will know because you will no longer feel the shame. When it comes out of her, it will dissipate from you, when she is free you are free. If you still feel shame within you, she has not released it all. Help her until you feel nothing.
When your past-self has released all her nasty, smelly, ugly, and foul shame and you no longer feel shame in your body take the container to the cowering abuser and make him drink every drop of that foul mess, every last drop. If he resists which is very common, you have the authority to shove it down his throat.
This is a rare instant where force is allowed as an evolutionary step forward. You are forcing him to drink his own shame stops that shame in its tracks. If he resists, persist until he has ingested it all. He gave you no options, you cannot give him any options while you make sure that every drop is back within or on him. If he refuses to drink, pour the shame on his face, head, and shoulders. Once it touches him, it is returned to him and is yours no more. Leave him there filled with his own shame which he will return to his whole-self and which his whole-self whether alive or passed will have to heal. The shame you return to him can no longer be passed on.
Take your past-self to the place she wants to go. She is not to go with you; she has a lot of growing to do and you have a lot of catching up to do. She will no longer be afraid, no longer feel that there is something wrong with her. She will regain her purpose to increase her awareness and learn to love herself and others. Tell her as you place her with loving parents or friends that you are her future-self and that you will come to her anytime she calls. When she is safe, return to your safe place.
Once you are fully conscious in your safe place, take the time to examine how different your body feels without the shame. Then think about how you got from there to here, from then to now.